The Bella Diary's
by Starstruckblondie
Summary: The world was dark. I couldn’t breathe; the air seemed too thick. I never knew this could happen to me. Both of the men I trusted in my life desert me. Only I have that bad of luck. I’m Bella Swan, and this is my story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a diary Bella writes during New Moon. The whole story isn't going to follow the original story line though, just the beginning.**

Sept. 13, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today was great. Well, for the most part it was, or maybe not. It was an insignificant day I call my Birthday. Ugh. I could live without those. What is the purpose, honestly? I don't get it. I think it was God's way of punishing me. After all he had to balance the scales somehow. I was getting extremely luck lately. Dating Edward was too good to be true; I guess it had to balance out somewhere.

Anyways, I met with Edward and Alice today at school. Alice was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. Apparently the Cullen Family had planned a party for me tonight, against my pleading not to. They knew I hated being the center of attention. It usually made me even clumsier then I normally am which is saying something. Oh well, I don't think they'll ever learn.

School went way too fast. I really hate parties, in case I haven't mentioned that already. It couldn't have been time for the party faster, unfortunately. Soon enough, Edward was driving me to their house in the woods. It was totally decked out in twinkle lights and roses. Alice had obviously been busy after school. Or not actually, with her vampire speed it probably only took a few minutes. She put so many human caterers to shame.

The party was actually pretty fun for the most part. They went all out and even made a cake (it was made well enough to have come from Pastry Perfection, I might add). They sang Happy Birthday perfectly, and then it was time for presents.

That, of course, is where it all went wrong. Me being the klutz I am slit my finger on the paper of the first present. Jasper looked like he was about to eat me, seriously. I was almost as scared as I had been when I was alone with James.

Edward sensed what he was about to do, and leaped towards me to block him. He knocked me backwards off my chair and I pulled the pile of plates with me. Edward started to catch me as the plates shattered under me. Jasper started at him again and he dropped me onto the plates.

I didn't get severely hurt, but a shard of glass pierced my forearm and drew blood quickly. Everyone but Carlisle froze and stared at me. I thought I was dead right then and there.

Edward snapped out of it as well as Alice and Esme, and they got the rest of the vampires outside. Carlisle had me sit in the kitchen as he fixed my arm.

Edward drove me home after that.

Yeah, I'd say that's about a normal day when you have a vampire for a boyfriend.


	2. Chapter 2

Sept. 19, 2009

Dear Diary,

Edward is acting really strange today, just like the rest of this week. He seems like he's almost afraid to be around me; like he thinks I'm contagious or something. It's really weird for him. Most of the time he is overbearingly protective, but not today. I wonder what's going through his head right now. It's like he doesn't even notice what's going on around him. He's stuck upstairs in his head. I wonder why? It's so strange. He's been this way the entire week. It's like he's trying to decide something really important. I'm kind of concerned.

Alice is her usual perky self, though a little distant herself. I wonder if it has anything to do with my disastrous birthday. I wouldn't think they would all react this strongly to a little accident like what happened. It kind of has me worried. What if they are finally annoyed at my clumsiness and don't want to be around me anymore. I really hope that's not the case. The Cullen's are practically my family. I really don't want them mad at me.

Edward wanted to talk to me later this evening. He said he needed to go home and get something first. I think I actually hear him now. I'll write again later if I have time. Maybe I'll finally know what was up with Edward this last week. I guess I'll find out.


	3. Chapter 3

Sept. 20 2009

He's gone. That's all I can say now. He's gone. My worst fears came true. The man I thought loved me deserted me. That's what you get for believing a vampire. That's what you get for laying it all out there. I should have known. I don't handle being vulnerable well for this reason. I am so my fathers daughter. I can see what he must have felt like when Renee left.

My world is over. Edward left and he took a chunk out of my chest with him. It's cruel really, waiting for me to bleed slowly to death. Couldn't he have just ended it for me? He might as well have just drunk me dry right then; it couldn't have been more painful than this. Nothing is more painful then this. I wonder if death would even hurt with how I feel right now? I'm too exhausted right now to find out. I'm going to sleep, and try not to dream of him. Try to forget the person who took my most vital part with him. Good night for now Dear Diary. You are my only friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Sept. 21, 2009

The pain doesn't stop. It just gets worse. Everything I see reminds me of him. My room, my truck, and my school are all connected to him. I don't want to live anymore. Death has to be way easier than this. I need a distraction, or I might commit suicide. There's a knife from my dinner on my bedside table. I couldn't eat with Charlie tonight. It was too much.

The knife's calling me. I wonder what it will feel like piercing my skin. People say it's an endorphin rush. Maybe I'd enjoy it. Not killing myself, just seeing my blood pool and spill over my skin. I think I'll try. It can't hurt more than this.

Nothing hurts more than this.


End file.
